Category: Let's talk
My topic of "Making Love" brought another topic to mind for me, which is friends with benefits.
To you, what is a friend with benefits?
hehehehe arigorn!! I would say that to me, an FWB is someone who gives it to you when you need it and how you need it. However, they aren't the person that you declare your undiing love to. hehehe What do you all think???
*sexy*
To me friends with benefits don't exist. They may work for some people but to me I kow either me or thatperson would become to emotionally involved, I would feel dirty simply having sex for sex's sake and I kow it would end up a mess, I'd rather wait or even prefer a one night stand with a stranger (and that I stay away from because of stds/infections etc). Basically I just don't believe in the concept.
cheers
-B
I agree with michelle in the definition, but I don't agree with the concept. Like brew, I thik that there would be emotional atachment, and I just think it's wrtong. I would to feel dirty and wrong, and if you want that kinda thing, that it should be worked for. I'm weird probably though haha
Well, from personal experience, you have to know the person first, which, in my opinion, eliminate STD's. always, in most cases, there is no emotional attachment. If you need it, then you get it. If you don't, then it's a fun night out on the town, so to speak.
Eac to his/her own really. I know of people who can make it work for them and that's totally cool with me. I have no misgivings about it and I'm happy they enjoy it. But for me personally sex isn't about physical exercise and calming down those hormones. It's more of an expresssion of emotional attachment and love and if I start having sex just for fun it will take away the beauty and closeness and intimacy that I see in it, that's why I wouldn't do the friend with benefits deal myself, but, like I said, that's just how I feel about it personally and I know this arrangement works fine for some other folks that I know and I'm happy for them.
cheers
-B
Agreed. But, it all depends on the fact of our natural callings if you will; our natural wants and needs. Some are good at hiding them, suppressing them if you will, and others are not.
Sometimes there just is that need to have sex but in my case never have a friend with benefits. But I am one of thos people that have to feel something for the person. As I said in my other post "Making love" it is very difficult to have an orgasm unless you jonestly feel something for the other person.
Ohh man I have lusted after many of my friends male & female, however, the idea of using them for sexual gratification disgusts me.. that is just cheapening the friendship I would feel I was negating bond and the trust we had worked on for years..while I can see the positive ascpects for some,for me, it seems almost as if you are saying your just an escort paid to amuse me ..you might as well hire a prostitute.....
well, i'd love to have my say on this topic but ... i have a friend coming round! *wink*
Hehe and for once I think I agree with gblin pretty much completely. I definitely appreciate lots of my friends, I find the female friends I have often attractive and I'm sure being with them would be good but I also know it would ruin a friendship and I know I'd never go there or lower them to that level even if they wanted it. So, well put goblin (although I certainly have never lusted after a male friend and never will).
I think friends and lovers should be kept separate, there's a lot to be said for your lover being your best friend but it's different, there are intensions and emotional bonding etc that a friend with benefit would never have.
cheers
-B
What about kissing and hugging intimately before going out with someone? Would you consider that a friend with benefits? Let's say they're a friend, you're not committed to them, but you've kissed them (or perhaps touched them) without actually having sex.
You see, when I first posted this topic, I figured this would arise. Kissing and hugging? No problem. That could be considered a benefit due to the fact of some sort of comfort. But, everyone has taken it to the extreme that I figured they would. This particular topic is just akin to telling someone that you slept with a member of the opposite sex. They immediately think you had sex with that person. Immediately! And that's what happened here. I didn't mention, nor did I mean this, in a sexual way. heheheheheheh. Smile folks, and have fun with this one.
This question was asked a few months ago, and we came to the same conclusions. So I'll hold my hand up and admit I'm a dirty minded fecker...Smile
Well, being dirty minded is one thin but whenver someone has used that expression around me it always means "sleeping with" someone, it doesn't mean hugging or cuddling. I consider touching someone in "private places" way out of bounce e.g. and akinn to having sex with them whereas just cuddling with them without kissing is not a "benefit" in the negative sense, kissing is also out of bounce for me. I've had a close friend of mine stay over and I've stayed over at her place in college, when we were lonely or upset about something or just wanted to feel warm and cosy, no one believes me when I say there was no touching or kissing involved but this is fact. Our friendship meant too much to us for that ever to be at stake. There's a lot of peple I know who think that there is no "friend" of the opposite sex, just a person that you really want to get into bed but just haven't gotten him/her into bed yet. I very strongly disagree with that statement and think friendship is independent of gender nationality etc.
cheers
-B
Making love is a foreign concept to me. it's been so long since I made love that I've forgotten what it's like. i'd much rather have friends with benefits. I've had a couple, and it's worked for us. I've also had one-night stand, and I find that I have way better sex with fwb's because we know each other's needs and are comfortable with one another.
Well, actually, friends with benefits can be helpful, and in more ways than one. To me, it doesn't matter if sex is involved or not, the fact remains, each and every one of us are beneficial to each other in some way, shape or fashion.
Of course. Sometimes you just need someone to snuggle with, or pour your hear out to.
Aragorn of course this ended up being on a sexual level! that's what friends with benefits means!
lol That's what I always think of when I hear "friends with benefits", aka "friends with special privileges".
Harp, that's one's interpretation only. Most people, yes, will think that immediately, but a scant handful will not.
Well, if “friends with benefits” doesn’t refer to friends that will give you something on a sexual level, then what else would it refer to. After all, the term “benefits” would imply that these particular friends will give you something that the majority of your other friends would not, otherwise surely all friends would be seen as “friends with benefits” in which case, the term would not exist.
I agree with SugarBaby. I've never heard the term used for anything else than friends that you sleep with. It's like the word "sex" it could mean gender but it's hardly everused as such except on application forms. So I can't say it's even a matterof interpretation, not in the U.S. at any wait, when the phrase is used it has this exact meaning.
come on guys, surely you know that friends with benifits means friends who own cars, and can drive you places. ha ha ha ha!
hehehehe and we all know what happens in the backs of cars don't we, *grins*
LOL. So what do you call a friend that you just made out with, or touched in a private way, but you didn't have sex with, and are not committed to? What if you fooled around with that person? Is that not friends with benefits? Do you have to touch genitalia for it to be friends with benefits, or have oral, or have intercourse?
Ok, cool. I can deal with that one. But, if someone sleeps with someone else, does that mean the two of them got laid?
well Aragorn. i think that most of us would say yes to that question. but as it isn't all that easy to understand what you mean when you use these generic turms so perhaps you should just decide for yourself the answer to that one!
A friend with bennefits is the corpse in my trunk that never says no, and never complains.
Well Harp, let's put it to you in this aspects. My "generic terms" as you put it, are in place for the reason of seeing peoples interpretations. How can you ask someone's interpretation of a general subject and be specific?
my point was that the turms you were using were specific! you were just claiming that they weren't! after all i hardly wanted to answer the specific question only for you to claim that you hadn't really meant it in those turms at all! after all earlier on in the thread you did seem to be saying that we were taking "friends with benefits" and giving it a sexual connotation so i was just being more careful this time.
Ok. All I'll say is this: It's ones own interpretation.
hmm, been there, done that, an it wrecks friendships. it's not worth it in my book. Shame I needed to do it twice, rather than just once, to work that one out, but shit happens I guess....
Hmmm this is an interesting question. Personally and this is just my view, I think that each friend you have is a benifit to you. Doesn't even have to come to a sexual thing. If it does then it does, so be it. But there are certain friends that know everything about me, that know me inside out and I know that I can tell them what ever i like and never have to worry about being judged by them. That to me is a benifit of having that friend.